It’s Thursday @ 6:40 am.
In the stillness of the morning, I am sipping my Trader Joe’s caffeine and reading Montessori blogs. The shower will be calling me in 10 minutes, but right now I see a massive iceberg careening towards me, threatening to sink my entire day.
Whether you believe in global warming or not, I will let you know that this particular one is melting at an alarming rate. Capsizing and drowning, right ahead!
While people often tell me that I am calm, peaceful and always see the silver lining in any situation, right now, the impending meltdown is not supporting that notion.
And as a result, I feel like a fraud.
While it is challenging to want to (publicly) acknowledge smacking face first into a wall, I also think it is important to be honest.
It takes a lot of tireless effort to do life and sometimes it seems like other people are magically good at it. In admitting your wall, though, you kinda find out you’re not alone (and no one is actually magic, lol.)
So yes, I feel like a fraud this morning. Sometimes living up to expectations (mostly self-inflicted) is difficult. I need to work through this.
So what’s the deal today, you ask?
I am stressed out because the “loosey goosey” productivity schedule that I have put myself on in order to stop myself from endlessly scrolling through Social Media and actually get stuff done is making me feel like I have to “keep up.” While I eat, sleep, and breathe this “flexible plan,” I am having a hard time seeing progress. And despite all the time I spend on my tasks, I am still way far away from where I want to be.
Oh, it’s this again: “Why do I have to be here, back at the bottom rung?”
While I am not technically starting over at the bottom, looking at my “to-do-list,” it sure feels like it. Then, for the gazillionth time, I remind myself that there are many blessings in having the ability to create a new path for yourself. With that said, I am currently trying very hard to figure out a way to break into the well-established world of blogs. While this is not my first blogging rodeo, a little less than a year ago I decided to start this myabsorbentmind blog. This go ’round, I want to get it out there FOR REALS!
So back to square one: New blog, no audience. How to get people to find me?
Naturally, to get some ideas, I read other blogs. While it appears like success for them just fell out of the sky, in the back of my mind, I know these bloggers have worked hard. I just can’t help but think of the fact that they all have a bazillion followers, gorgeous photos, e-books and e-courses, and great tips and tricks. I have no idea how I am going to catch up and get my hat in this ring.
I’ve got to start somewhere, though. And that somewhere is here.
Also, in addition to blogging, I have recently forayed into the world of Pinterest. (Check out my boards here!) I have managed to decrease my Pin-creating time to 30 minutes (from 1 hour!) but in order for people actually see them in their feed, I need to link them to my own website. I recently bought the domain name and now I just have to add “making a website” to my “schedule.” LOL.
My ultimate goal is to bring everything that I do together: yoga, making jewelry, teaching, Montessori, blogging. It’s getting there but it’s frustrating because it seems like I make a step forward, and then 10 more steps appear. It’s hard to do all of it at once, which is why I need to budget my time well, hence the flexible structured schedule referenced above that is only kinda-sorta-working.
At 6:50 am: “Maybe this really isn’t going to work.”
My plan, like usual, is to do something different than everyone else. You see, Aquariuses have this “thing.” We swim upstream. It’s genetic. Although copying other people is way easier, I believe everyone needs to be their authentic self. In the long run, that’s what actually works out.
So my thing is going to be different. And when you are trying something different, you just never know…so many voices in your head tell you: “Iceberg, right ahead!” and we know how THAT turned out, don’t we?
Some posts I am working on:
- Online shaming and bullying
- Putting up Walls (Yes, Montessori had something to say about that wall)
- The challenges of learning a new language (Sprechen sie Deutsch?).
- Why Maria Montessori was a bad-ass woman of her time.
My goal is to let the world know that Montessori Education gives us hope, despite our fears about the current world climate. (Remember the “silver lining in any situation” thing? Yes, there is one. 🙂 ) We adults struggle with so much and we can break the cycle. It starts with us examining who we are and deciding how we interact with children.
6:52 am: I ain’t got time for no icebergs!
Although I have a never-ending list of tasks to complete, it’s ok. I need to accept it and let go of any expectations of outcomes and just do it. One thing at a time and I will get where ever I am supposed to go.
In retrospect, I also realize that I have come so far since I started this journey. I want to give a special shout out to Yoga because 5 years ago, that’s how it all started. Looking back at that person, I would have never imagined I would be here today, the Creatress of my own dreams.
But I am here. And I have never been happier.
(And now, maybe if I hurry, I’ll get to work on time. 🙂 )
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